Father Wounds: Finding the Father You Never Had | Father's Day | Curtis Lofton

And so I just want to start by saying that I trust that Jessica followed the Lord's leading, and she prayed about it, and she asked me. And through the leading of the Lord, I'm here. And if I'm honest, I did not want to be here. I did not want to come. As a matter of fact, I never wanted to be in a pulpit.

But I have to follow what the Holy Spirit leads me to and asks me to do. As Paul would say, I'm a prisoner of Christ. And so this ministry that I get to do, I love. And so. But one of the things that I'm going to be honest, Church, I'm a little upset about is when I was about to get on my flight, they asked if anybody was in the military, and I raised my hand and I said, does the Lord's army count?

And they said, no. So we don't have to. Y' all keep praying for Southwest, and we got some things we gotta get out of there.

And so Father's Day has always been complicated for me, Church.

And when Jessica asked, my initial response was, I wanted to say no, because I grew up without my father, and now I'm a father myself.

And because growing up without my father, I view my heavenly Father different. And so I've been in a place of trying to figure out how to change that, how to transform that so I can see him the way he needs me to see.

Chris Green.

He's a charismatic theologian, and I actually just call him Bishop Daddy. He's a mentor to me. And he said, our first wounds are often the last wounds to heal.

Our first wounds are often the last ones to heal. In church, I've been wounded, been wounded by a man who was supposed to love me more than anything on this planet, but he was incapable.

And so I don't know today where you are at. I don't know if your father's present. I don't know if you're hoping to be a father.

I don't know if you're a great father. But I know today has stirred up a lot of emotions in me. So if you would please just bear with me that this may not be the most polished sermon, this may not be the smoothest, but are you okay if the Holy Spirit works?

And so on this difficult day, if you would stand while we read the. If you're capable of standing while we read the Lord's Word.

And I just want to give a shout out to the Lord that he looked out for. I'm dyslexic, and so Oftentimes when I get on the stage, pulpit, excuse me, is I don't want him to give me one of these verses with these difficult names to say. And it be long and I get nervous when I have to read in front of people. And he looked out for me and gave me Mark 1, 9, 10 and 11. I said three verses.

Thank you, Jesus. And y' all are standing, so let's get to it. And in those days, Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. And when he came up out of the water immediately he saw the heavens being torn open and the Spirit descended on him like a dove. And a voice came from heaven.

You are my beloved son. With you I am well pleased. Let's pray. Almighty God, we come before you today with grateful hearts thanking you for sending your son, Jesus Christ, not only to save us from our sins, but to invite us into the family. Thank you through Jesus that we're no longer strangers or orphans, but sons and daughters of the most High God.

Lord, on this Father's Day, we recognize this day carries many different emotions.

There are many that are hurting because their fathers are no longer here. Lord, comfort them, remind them of your presence. There are those who have strained or broken relationships. Father, you are the repairer. You are the restorer.

There is nothing that is too far gone. And Lord, we pray for those who long to be fathers, and Lord, that they trust your timing is perfect even when they don't understand.

We also thank you for the fathers who have loved well, who have led well, who have led their families to your feet now. Father, I ask that you touch my mind, my heart, my mouth. Let these words that are spoken today be hidden behind your cross and that the people see Jesus clearly. And Lord, prepare our hearts to receive this word. And Lord, if there's any hard ground, I pray that you break it up, that these hearts are fertile ground.

And then through your mighty son, we pray. And all the people said, amen. You can be seated.

And Jesus said, this is my son, my beloved son. And here's what we have to understand. Churches. Before Jesus ever preached, before he ever healed, before he ever performed a miracle, before he ever carried the cross, the Father spoke. And in one verse, the Father gives a child everything that we desperately need.

And here's the three things that every father should give to their child, their children. Identity. Who am I? 2. Affection.

Am I loved? 3. Affirmation. Do I have what it takes?

He says, you are my son. The Father tells Jesus who he is before telling him what he will do.

Identity comes before activity.

Sonship comes before service.

And here's a few things that we will say that identity is not found in. Because if you're like me, I've looked for my identity in many different things.

Identity is not in your career. It's not in your title, it's not in your income. It's not in your failures. It's not in your successes, your political party, your relationship status, and it's not in your past. Identity is not in what you do.

Identities in whose you are.

Identities in whose you are.

We have multiple examples in the Bible, but I just want to list out a few.

Abraham goes to Abram goes to Abraham. Abraham. Gideon is called Mighty Warrior. Simon is called Peter. God often calls us what we are becoming before we see it ourselves.

For me, growing up, my mother was in prison. My father was nowhere to be found. And so my grandma dragged us to church.

And we all know the stories. And so one of the things that we have to understand is Jesus was born of the Virgin Mary and his earthly father was Joseph.

What do you think the people said to him?

What do you think Jesus went through growing up?

When Jesus tore open. When God tore open the heavens and he said, this is my son. Do you think he needed to hear those words?

Everyone was probably gossiping about him. And here's one thing. You may know something, but it's another thing to truly know it.

You know, growing up, for me, I ran away. I didn't want to be in the ministry. And my grandma used to drag us to church. And one night, we're in this church service, and there's an evangelist there, and I'm in the back. I had just learned a new skill, and that skill was I just learned to cuss.

And I was cussing my brothers out in the back.

Now, I know y' all trying to get quiet. Hey, don't xr church. Don't get holy in here. Don't get too holy. I know y' all probably said some of the words I said, too.

And let's be real, you probably still do. God's working on us. And so I'm giving them the blues, and all of a sudden it gets quiet. And this evangelist is standing behind me, And he says, young man, the anointing of God is on your life. You're going to be a professional athlete.

Yes, Lord. And he's called you to be a pastor.

I didn't hear that second part. I was praising him at the yes, Lord. That first part. And here's the craziest thing, my brothers are 10 times the athlete I was. I never had my own name.

I was always calling Chris little brother. So for him to say that to me was crazy.

Another time, I'm in Altus, Oklahoma, in the middle of nowhere.

And this time, I ain't cussing nobody out, but I am against the ropes. I'm trying not to go to sleep. And my grandma already gave me that look like, go to sleep if you want to.

And so, you know, I had just got the black back on me from her beating it off me just a few weeks ago.

And really, I'm more of a mocha, more of a roasted chestnut, if I'm honest, you know?

And the pastor, he came up and he says, young man, the anointing of God is on your life. He's called you to be a professional athlete, and he's called you to the ministry again. Yes, Lord, I receive all that.

And then a few years later, I'm in the church service, and I'm sitting there and I'm having a hard time, and I'm mad at God. I'm mad at God. I'm like, how could you take my mother and father from me? I thought you were supposed to be this loving father.

And really, I was trying to understand John 3:16. And John 3:16 says, For God loved the world so much that he gave his only begotten son.

And really, I feel like I understood that more than anything, because my father loved the world so much that he gave his only begotten son, me.

So a man who just got out of prison, he walks up to me and he says, young man. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, you ain't got nothing to tell me.

But how many of us know that God uses people that don't look like, don't talk, like, don't think, like, to deliver something to us, and if we can receive it, it will change our lives.

And so this man who had been in prison, he comes up to me and he says, young man, the anointing of God is on your life.

He's called you to be a professional athlete, and he's called you to be a pastor again. Yes, Lord.

And so here's the thing, Churches. God often calls us what we are becoming before we even see it ourselves.

But more Importantly, in Romans 8:15, he says, you have received my spirit of adoption.

The father says, you belong to me. You are mine. You are my children.

We need to understand this.

Every child needs an identity.

But knowing who you are isn't enough.

Every child also needs love.

Number two, affection. You are my beloved son. Beloved means treasured, cherished, and deeply loved. The Father doesn't simply identify Jesus. He delights in him.

And church. I'm going to be honest. I didn't want to come here. I wanted to preach something else.

But this is where the Holy Spirit led me to.

So I'm going to share pieces of my heart that I know. You don't know me and I don't know you, but I just want to be honest and vulnerable with where I'm at.

My entire life, I wanted to hear these three words, I love you.

I heard it from my teammates. I heard it from my coaches. I heard it from my friends. I heard it from my family.

But the one person I wanted to hear it from most, he was incapable of telling me that.

And I had got so mad that I didn't even want it anymore. But that was a lie.

Till one day, my father, he never came to see me play. He never came to Dad's with donuts. He never seen me play in high school and in my last year in college, when I became Curtis Lofton, he decided to show up.

And he asked for two tickets, and I gave them to him because I wanted him to see what he missed out on.

And so we were number one. And we were playing Missouri Tigers, and boy, I don't like Missouri.

I don't like them. And in that game, I had 18 tackles, a touchdown, and I made a lot of key plays, and we beat the brakes off of them.

But unbeknownst to me, there was a personal foul going on up in the stands.

My father wore a shirt that said, Curtis Lofton's dad.

Everybody's high fiving him, telling him, man, you did such a great job. Your boy's a bad man. And he's eating it up.

And when I got off the field and my uncle came to me and he said, hey, nephew, I got something to tell you.

And he began to tell me what was going on.

Now, mind you, church, I've been working out six days a week, running heels.

So I went up to my father, I said, take that off or I take it off you.

I said, take it off. You lost every right to wear that shirt.

And he's lucky my grandma was there.

And she says, baby, calm down. It's not worth it. She gave him love when I wanted to give him these hands.

Fast forward a few years. I'm in the NFL, playing for the Atlanta Falcons and about to play the Detroit Lions.

Megatron And Matthew Stafford. We had them on lockdown in church. I really can't remember too much of this game because I. I don't know why the pain outweighs the joy.

But I remember in this game I got a game ball.

And after the game, I walk out and I see my father. And I had to take off a suit jacket. I was getting too hot. Whoever did the under, I would make it through one service. You won.

And I walk out, I got this suit that comes down to my knees, and I say, dad, I said, what you think? And I finally thought I was going to get. Man, I'm proud. I'm proud of you.

And there was an older black gentleman next to him, and he looks at my dad because his name is Curtis. And he says, curtis, you mean to tell me I've been seeing this loft in name and it's my grandson?

And he says, I didn't know you existed. I'm your grandpa. I never knew you existed. You mean to tell me that I'm one in a million that got to do what I got to do? And you didn't even tell your father?

And so I internalized that. What was it about me that he didn't want? What was it about me that he cut in love?

I was on cloud nine. And now you could put me under the bus.

And so fast forward a few months into Christmas, and he sends me a Christmas present. It's a necklace. And he kept the receipt on, was $100. I remember it just like yesterday. I'm like, I don't wear a hundred dollar necklaces, dad.

No offense. Nothing wrong with a hundred dollar necklace. I'm just saying I don't wear them.

And he calls me and he says, hey, did you get your Christmas present? I said, yeah, I got it. And he says, well, what'd you get your dad for Christmas?

And I said, well, I've gotten you the same thing you've gotten me the last 21 years.

Y' all know what that is? Nothing.

I know it hurt, but I'm just being honest.

And he says, well, your dad's starting a business and could you give me $30,000?

And this is where I had to put boundaries in place and say, you can have a relationship with me, but you'll never have a relationship with my pockets.

And so my father and I, we didn't talk for a long time until my cousin, he called me and he says, hey, cousin, how you doing? I said, I'm good. He says, man, I know you're busy. I don't want to take up much of your time, but I got something I got to tell you.

And he says, you, father only has a week left to live.

The cancer's back.

And I said, yes, he's finally getting what he deserved.

And then the Holy Spirit asked me and said, did you get what you deserved?

I remember crying, and I remember thinking of one of the greatest theologians in the world named Tupac.

And Tupac said these words, he says, and when he died, I didn't cry because my anger wouldn't let me feel for a stranger. He lied. I cried. And I was mad at God because I didn't get my fairy book ending. I didn't get to work on the car and hand him a wrench and get our relationship restored.

I thought that's what I was supposed to have. I thought it would end up happening. God, why didn't you give me this?

And God said, you know, you can't work on no cars. You don't like getting your hands dirty.

And so I had to call my father. And I said, dad, I ain't got much for you. I only got three things I want to tell you. One, is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable? He says, no, I'm good.

And he says, two. And I told him, two is really important. I said, I don't want you to hold on to anything between you and I not having you in my life. Yes, it hurt, but it made me the man I am today, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. And it's going to make me the Father when I'm a father that's going to be better than you.

And I said, three is really important. I said, do you know Jesus?

And he says, I know him.

He said, I know him.

And I said, dad, I don't know what's going to happen if God heals you. Amen. But if he doesn't, you'll be sitting at his feet soon.

And the three words I wanted so desperately to hear was, I love you. And I said, dad, I love you.

And finally I heard those words, and it made my heart leapt. And I was angry for feeling that I wanted to hear those words so bad. Then finally I heard them.

And it wasn't until a few years ago when I was thinking about this and the Lord showed me, he says, he took me to the moment and where my heart and my spirit just left. Because my father finally gave me something I wanted my entire life.

And he says, I wanted you to feel that, and I want you to know it. Doesn't compare to the love that I have for you.

See, here's what he told me is the affirmation of an earthly father. It may bless you, but only the affection of a heavenly father can heal you.

That's why this moment in Mark chapter one is so important. It's before Jesus formed any miracles. It's before Jesus preached any sermon. He looked at his son and says, I love you.

Fathers, you have to tell your kids this.

I grew up in a household. My grandma working two jobs was her way of telling me she loved me. But we never said. It was only implied.

I tell my girls every single moment I can. And if you ask them, I say, hey, guess what? They're like, what, dad? I'm like, I love you. And they're like, I love you.

God's lot. God's love is not something that you earn.

God's love is something that you receive.

And I'm here to tell you, Church, you have to receive his love.

It transforms you. It changes you. It makes you into look like his son.

For years, I needed my father's affection, but God showed me something. The affirmation of an earthly father, it blesses me, but the affirmation of my heavenly Father, it heals me.

Before Jesus did anything, the Father loved him. God's love's not earned, received. Every child needs identity. Every child needs affection. But every child also needs affirmation.

And Jesus said, with you, I am well pleased.

And I began to ask the question, what is he pleased with? Jesus didn't do any miracles. He didn't heal anybody. He didn't cast any demons out. What is he pleased with?

And I know we chase a lot of things.

We chase approval. We chase recognition. We chase success. We chase validation. And really, in all those things, this what we're asking, am I enough?

Do you see me?

You're seen. You are enough. And God loves you. It's not about anything you do.

Our acceptance isn't based on our performance. Our acceptance is based on his perfection.

Fathers, your children may never remember the toys, the gifts, the vacations.

But they will remember the words that you speak over their lives.

Make sure you give them identity. Make sure you give them affection. Make sure you affirm them.

I know with my daughters, they play sports. And they used to look to me. I used to tell them, don't look at me. I'm not your coach. But now when they look at me, it's not.

They want me to coach them. They're looking at me to say, daddy, are you proud?

Daddy? Do you love me?

I give him a thumbs up and I smile and I give him the choke symbol. Keep choking them out.

Y', all, forgive me. God's still working on me. I want to win more than anything.

I feel this same thing today is we have, as we're closing is this is how do we honor our mother and fathers when they haven't been honorable in church. One of my pastor's friends, he told me, he says, we don't honor their parenting and decision making. We honor that they are our life source.

And here's the same thing.

When we look up at God, just like my daughters, when I look to God, God, you've given me this mind, you've given me this heart, you've given me this soul, you've given me these hands, you've given me this feet.

Are you pleased? Am I walking in a manner worthy of the call that you bestowed upon my life?

And this is what God does. He smiles and gives me a thumbs up and he gives me the keep choking them out. Keep choking the devil out.

And he got that very same thing for you.

Jesus is his son by nature, but we become sons and daughters by adoption. Through Christ, the father becomes our Father. So if you've been searching for identity, come to the father.

If you've been searching for love, come to the father.

If you've been searching for approval, if you've been searching and asking if you're enough.

If you've been searching and asking, do you see me? Just come to the Father. Just come.

The Father still loves and the Father still restores, and the father still welcomes prodigal's home.

And I think it's one of the most beautiful things is this is when people tell my daughters, you act just like your father. Now my wife looks sometimes, but in saying that, it's an honor because I act just like my father.

And so, as we're closing in this prayer, come to the Father with everything you have. Father, we just come before you today with humble hearts, Lord, asking you to step into our situations.

Whether our fathers are gone, whether our fathers are present in our lives, Lord, just continue to show up and continue to guide us and lead us to your feet. And Lord, we love you with our whole hearts.

Thank you. And in your holy name and matchless name, and all the people said, amen.